I didn't want to get up this morning. Good thing I have responsibilities (i.e. children) to force me to be human. They were really good this morning too, which is a blessing.
My thyroid is out of whack again. I don't talk about it much because I don't want people to feel sorry for me. Or for people to think I want them to feel sorry for me. Believe me, I've seen lots of sideways glances and eye-rolling. Really the only reason I usually bring it up is so that people can understand that there is a reason- I'm not just lazy and stupid.
See when my thyroid is out of whack I get what is known as 'brain fog'. I loose words in the middle of a sentence. And it's not amazingly smart sounding intellectual words. It's words like "Street", "House", "Book". You know, words any normal adult would know. But they just leave my brain. Blank. Completely black. It leaves me feeling like a complete idiot and I worry that people may think I am.
Also, I get really tired- in an instant. Seriously. I can be going along one minute having a normal day. Feeling normal. Acting normal. And then all of a sudden I hit a wall and I am done. I yawn uncontrollably (have you seen my ginormous tonsils!?) and don't even have the energy to move. Unfortunately this usually happens between 3-6pm. I feel so bad for my husband and kids to have to deal with it but if I could help it I would. That's the point! I have no control.
Since my thyroid cancer diagnosis 3 years ago I have gained 40 pounds. This has been a struggle too because if it comes up and I tell people they say "Oh, well you don't look it." Guess what, yes I do. And I feel it. That's the worst part. I want to exercise but it come at a price. First, trying to convince myself mentally is one battle. Then I have to decide what my day look like and if I can squeeze in a workout. But it's not just that. I can make time in the morning but I'll pay for it in the afternoon. You know, that 3-6pm time frame? If I exercise I can pretty much guarantee it will be closer to 3. The other downfall is it is SO HARD to loose the weight. It doesn't matter how many calories I cut out or how long I exercise- my body won't get rid of anything.
They say thyroid imbalance can cause depression. Well I already have anxiety (it can cause that too) which is in the same family. I take meds for it which can cause depression too. Compound that with feeling stupid and not having energy plus endless winters and yes, I would say thyroid imbalance can cause depression. So is it the chicken or the egg? Not sure in my case.
I went to my Endocrinologist last week. That's a Dr. that specializes in the endocrine system. Your thyroid is butterfly shaped (hence the picture above) and is your endocrine system. Well, it regulates it anyway. When you don't have a thyroid there's no regulation. Endo's like to say that "synthetic" thyroid does just as good but it really doesn't. If that were the case I wouldn't be ranting right now. Based on the amount I take I should feel like a 15 year old (energy wise anyway). But instead I feel like an 80 year old.
The synthetic thyroid meds I take can be affected by calcium and iron intake. For that reason I have to take it 4 hours before I eat. But I also have horrible calcium imbalance (your thyroid affects that too). I used to have really strong teeth- now they're falling apart. Last year I ended up with stress fractures in both ankles- from standing. I'm sure a bone scan would show my bones look like those of birds- hollow.
So I've been feeling crappy this past couple weeks and my thyroid (or lack of one) is the reason. I realize that things in my life could be much worse and I am grateful that they aren't. But that doesn't mean that life doesn't suck. And that doesn't mean that my trial isn't still a trial.
I'm going to go lay on the couch and watch the Kardashian's with my new minkie quilt. I'll come back when I have something nice to say. :o)